SHE WANTS A METRO: A GUIDE TO MANSCAPING
Ever hear a woman make the notorious comment, “why do all the good ones have to be gay?” Ouch. We get it, you’ve got style – but there are a few things you can do to make a lasting impression and grab her attention. Like a washing a classic car, we’re starting form the top and working our way down:
Ask yourself this: “Would my hair hold its exact shape through a category four hurricane?” If you said yes, we’ve got a problem. Freezing your hair with gel or hairspray doesn’t give your girl anything to run her fingers through, and honestly it’s just not cool anymore. Start with a fresh cut, going shorter on the sides and longer on top. Find a good barber and talk to them about guards and fade patterns (learn the lingo, it will impress someone at some point). A trending style that will get you David Beckham-quality attention begins with a tight fade; usually half to one guard length, up to the temple around the sides and back, then nicely faded into the top. When styling your man-do, go for a product that allows more movement like serum or light pomade. Apply to your wet hair after the shower and with a brush, blow-dry in the direction you want to style your hair. Play around with parting your hair in new ways. The old-school early 1900’s look is coming back and making the ladies drool.
Your face is your billboard. Keep it clean and make sure it advertises your message clearly. Let’s begin with the eyebrows, since they are what give us expression. Note the plural word, “brows,” meaning you should have two! There is a very thin line (no pun intended) when it comes to the correct way to shape a man’s brows. The center should be clean, and if the loose hairs around your natural shape are in excess, remove them. On the flip, no girl wants a dude who has thinner brows than hers, so don’t get too tweezer-happy.
The five-o’clock shadow works, but only if it’s done right. Keep your lines clean in between shaves using a razor with an edging tip on the top. If you have coarse hair like me, shaving can suck. Get a shower mirror, good quality razor (I use the Schick Hydro 5) and some thick leave in conditioner. Start your shower off with a good warm rinse and use an exfoliating device on your facial hair. This will loosen up the hair trapped under your dead skin which can cause ingrowns and razor burn. Apply the conditioner just like you would shave cream, then continue on with your business. Three to five minutes later, come back to your shower mirror and shave as normal. It’s like a hot knife through butter; you’ll never go back to the old way again. Top it off with a good facial astringent designed for the post-shave. (the TendSkin brand is the bomb). Now, she’ll shut up about how much it hurts when you kiss her.
Body hair isn’t always a bad thing. However, if you’re picking it off the shower walls or drain, handle it. Your back, shoulders and man-stamp (known as tramp-stamp on females) should never have patches of hair on them. No woman wants to feel like they’re gripping Bigfoot in bed. Special hair-removing creams or foam sprays designed with dudes in mind can be purchased over the counter. If you’re attacking your hairiness in baller style, laser hair removal will do the trick. Maintain your chest hair using the same methods and if it stays, invest in some clippers with a short guard. Go along with your hair and buzz the length down a bit, the look you’ll get is just right.
If the pigment of your skin is lost when your arms or legs get wet, take those clippers and trim those babies down as well. This technique is the best way to clean things up without looking like that hairless douchebag at the gym.
Just like every man enjoys caressing his ladies soft skin, your female does too. Lotion up every day after you shower. It’s 30 seconds that will add a lifetime of youth to your skin. Our last tip from this lesson is something girls secretly notice, almost unconsciously: Your nails! No, I don’t mean acrylic and polish. I mean keep them clean, cut/filed and at a nice length to raise your stock that much more.