There are a few things in life The GentleManual wants to see from our readers: Staying classy, successful, and scoring high points in your romantic life. We have outlined seven ways you can almost guarantee failure in the latter – but we’ve also included how to avoid them.
Here are seven moves to avoid on a first date if you want to lock in a second:
1. Staying on your phone
It’s pretty obvious to not use your phone on a date, but in our technological age where most professionals are on the clock 24/7, it get tricky. Beyond using your phone, just by keeping it in view or fiddling with it in your pocket can say all the wrong things. If you took time out of your busy schedule to meet up, make sure you’ve tied up all your loose ends going into the date, so you won’t have to immediately respond to anyone reaching out to you. Imagine this – if the date goes well and you end up in a relationship, you two will have plenty of time in the future to sit right next to each other on your phones.
2. Seeming self-centered
It’s always tough to find your happy medium when referencing yourself. You don’t want to come off as pompous, but it’s hard to not mention the accomplishments and accolades you’re proud of. Be aware of how much you’re talking about yourself. It’s possible to learn plenty about each other without discussing some of the finer points of your life’s work. Monitor time spent talking about you enough to realize when it’s time to shut up. If you can’t remember the last thing your date said, that’s your cue. If you leave enough to the imagination, you’ll guarantee a second date by creating an allure about yourself.
3. Bringing up your ex
This should be a no-brainer. By bringing up your ex, you’re giving off the impression you’re unable to move forward with your life. Women and men can both often make references to their ex-significant others without even realizing it. Don’t let this be the reason you don’t get a second date. Keep this in mind: Whoever you mention on a first date tells the other person who is on your mind currently.
4. Playing around too much
Depending on who you are seeing for the first time, an extremely important aspect of the date is being able to bond on humor. If you two can immediately connect on this level, there can be magic in the making. But sometimes it takes a while to really understand the style of humor your date enjoys. It’s best to not come off as a huge jokester, taking every opportunity you can to turn the entire conversation into a continuous punchline. Everyone likes to laugh, but playing around too much can indicate a sign of insecurity. A first date is an interview in a way, and you wouldn’t go into a job interview cracking jokes constantly.
5. Too much self-disclosure
No matter where you go, people will tell you things that make you question how comfortable they really are with you. It’s not that people don’t want to hear your problems, but if they don’t know you that well, then you can give off the immediate vibe of having a lot of baggage. Everyone has problems in their lives, but someone you’re just getting to know doesn’t need to learn more about yours within fifteen minutes than they know about their good friends and family. If you are going to mention an aspect of your life that might seem a little alarming, ask yourself how you would react hearing the same or similar information from your date.
6. Saying inappropriate things
This can fall under the same category of self-disclosure and humor to some extent; saying inappropriate things under any pretense can be a deterring factor when two people are deciding if they’d like to see each other again. Some people can be offended by sexual comments, cursing, observations of other people mentioned out loud, etc. This isn’t even a dating rule. This is an every day rule. I’d say use the “would I say this to my mother rule?’, but a lot of times your mother is your source for dirty jokes. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, especially when your date has just texted her friend “WTF, get me out of here!”
7. Discussing future plans as a couple
This may be the biggest oversight on a first date. It’s ok to mention things you two could potentially do together in the future, but talking about your second date before you’ve even finished the first one really can hurt you. There are so many times two people can vibe together right off the bat and your guard drops, making you get comfortable and start saying everything you’re thinking. If your date notices you’re a little too enthusiastic about planning your future endeavors together, their mind starts to wonder on if you’re desperate and moving too fast. This might be the easiest way to scare someone off and the quickest way to guarantee no second date. You probably have no idea what this person’s previous dating situations were like, and if they’re just coming out of a relationship or just not looking for something so serious so quick.
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