Chugging your third cup of coffee? Good luck with that. It’s not going to do the trick. It’s the end of the workweek. You’re struggling to cross the finish-line. Your friends will be hitting the bars later, cocktails are around the corner, and you can barely keep your chin off your collarbone. An energy drink will cure what ails you.
That’s the reigning logic, and Monster-brand energy drink is fast becoming a contender for the best-selling beverage in its class. Hot on the heels of Red Bull, they’re making a huge push in China, which is soon to become the planet’s number-one consumer of energy drinks. Here in the US, Monster appears to be experimenting aggressively with new flavors, and clawing for more respect in the 7-11 fridge.
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A Monster cocktail is the ultimate lowbrow highball.
It was inevitable that Monster would become a mixer. It has, and “an Absolut Monster” may well become America’s equivalent of whiskey and IrnBru. But this is dorm-room alchemy, not mixology. One of us here at TGM strongly recommends neither preparing, ingesting, nor even talking about this concoction in the presence of any women you hope to take you seriously. On the other hand, the monumental absurdity of the recipes below invite sharing the misadventure with as many friends as possible. A Monster cocktail is the backwards baseball cap of mixed-drinks. It’s Peter Griffin putting jet fuel in his car to make it fly. Mom’s create campaigns and bumper-stickers for things like this.
De gustibus non est disputandum. That’s Latin for “One man’s NPR is another man’s NASCAR.” Fair enough, a Long Island Ice Tea is genteel by heritage, not ingredients, and these Monstrosities are said to be tasty. If you try any, Frankenstein with care. Don’t over do it. We will not assume any liability for any injury or damage consequent to indulgence.
A journey of 1000 miles begins with one step (said Laozi), and ends with one too many Monstermeisters (say us). You have been warned.
½ ounce Vodka
½ ounce Monster Energy Drink
4 ounces Monster Energy Drink
2 ounces Jagermeister Herbal Liqueur
6 ounces Monster Energy Drink
2 ounces Malibu Mango Rum
#3. Mr. Incredible
1 ¼ ounces whiskey
1 ¼ Monster Energy Drink
½ ounces Pepsi Cola
#4. Irish Monster
3-5 ounces Monster Energy Drink
1.5 ounces Jameson Irish Whiskey
This final recipe falls into that “If you’re drinking this, it’s because you feel you have something to prove” category. Any Monster mixer is a bit silly, but The Loch Ness Monster is no joke. We suspect this is a one and done tipple, and so we do not recommend it. We’ve added it to the list because it struck as obscene, and appears to be blackout waiting to happen.
#5. The Loch Ness Monster
1 ounce Southern Comfort Black Label Peach Schnapps
1 ounce Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
1 ounce Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila
1 ounce Amaretto Almond Liqueur
1 ounce Vodka
1 ounce Gin
1 ounce Light Rum
1 ounce Chambord Raspberry Liqueur
1 ounce Midori Melon Liqueur
1 ounce Blue Curacao Liqueur
1 ounce Malibu coconut rum
Top with Monster Energy Drink
Even More Monster Drinks
Check out the links below for more variations. We’d love to hear how your experiments went.
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- Bringing Home the Bacon A history of America's favorite meat-candy - August 15, 2017
- How to Beat the Unfair Fair Games How to even the odds and score that prize - July 26, 2017